Coping with a broken heart

It is sad how someone can be a part of your life, someone you imagined a future with, only to find out that you were wrong the whole time & were living under your own deception of reality. It is very similar to a withdrawal from an addiction; everything feels abnormal at first; the chemicals in your brain are misplaced, as they are the remnants of your lost love. It hits hard; your brain is fixated on the memories of pleasure & regret making nights sleepless & drab; it feels like you are stuck in a loop. You are suddenly aware of yourself, deep in thought of who you are, questioning yourself, questioning your self-esteem, after all, you opened your true self to someone else, trusting them with your secrets. It happens, hearts are broken, lessons are learned & the cycle keeps repeating; that is life in a nutshell.

Here are a few ways to help you improve your coping mechanism.

Keep your distance:

This is perhaps the best advice for moving on. A good analogy is coping with addiction to drugs or alcohol; these things create a chemical imbalance in your brain when they are avoided during an addiction, which makes the addict crave them more & that results in withdrawal symptoms. But the brain is plastic; it tries to adjust with the absence of these extra amounts of chemicals; this process is heavily encumbered if not completely ruined when an addict is exposed to similar drugs or alcohol during a withdrawal.

Two things to take away from that, one being the fact that the brain is plastic, at first it tries to seek out the source of the “feel-good” chemicals, & if the mind is convinced that it cannot get any of it, it tries to adjust with the new regime; two being a corollary of the first one, avoiding the cause of the addiction at all cost, this cold turkey method doesn’t always work for all sorts of addictions; but if we are to talk about breakups, this might just be the healthiest way.

Now since we are done with the science of that, let us see how you can “keep your distance”. The very first step is to unfollow them on social media, that is it, a quick, impulsive move, do not indulge yourself with their social media profile. Second would be to discard the things that remind you of them, & that includes deleting their photos from your device. Remember to not give up to the temptation of calling them. All of this is, of course, until you are completely over them.

Cry it out:

The idea that crying is emasculating for men is nonsensical; crying is a natural way to let out all the stuffed emotions inside our brain. The biological purpose of crying is to let out the hormones produced when we are stressed, so basically, an emotional tear contains a large amount of these hormones & this is why we feel so calm & relaxed after crying all out. This toxic build-up needs to be flushed out.

Having said that, irrespective of your gender, crying should not lower your self-esteem, but instead, it should be looked upon as an affirmative action during such circumstances. Do not cry out in front of others if it feels uncomfortable. These quotations about sad love might help.

Accept it:

We start to over-analyze the situations, whether the breakup was the right choice, or what could have been had it not happened. This is tantamount to being stuck in a loop; these thoughts can end up being self-destructive, affecting your mental illness.

Whether you like it or not, it happened, that’s the truth, stop battling yourself. You need to take responsibility for yourself, take care of yourself, and not be lost in different imaginary outcomes had the breakup not happened.

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It is a very difficult move on under emotional stress because emotions might be refraining you from looking at the bigger picture; therefore talking about it to someone, be them your friends, your therapists, or your family helps you look at it objectively; this also helps you realize that you are not alone in this world.

 

Tell yourself it is over, accept it, & be done with it.

 

Take a breath:

 

You have battled yourself; you have replayed the memory a hundred times; your brain has been active for hours unhindered. Relaxing is important, rest is essential, this is why you should do something engaging, something to take your mind off of the event.

Relish yourself by watching a comedy movie, going outdoors, taking a warm or a cold shower, meditating, or exercising. The goal is to keep your mind off of these thoughts, to have fun & reduce any toxic build-up of emotions. It is necessary to take control of your actions. Even if it is not possible to avoid thinking about the breakup, it can certainly be reduced or controlled.

Everything happens for a reason:

Life is a concoction of good & bad things; we only grow up to realize that most of the things we considered to be bad were, in reality, better for us to have had. It is upon us to take responsibility for our actions & try to climb up the ladder after hitting rock bottom; life is short, why waste it away for reasons that do not matter? When life hits hard, we owe ourselves to learn the lesson & move on, not to dwell on the past.

 

Optimism helps you move on; it gives you hope. This is certainly not the end even though it might feel like it; everything happens for a better reason; there is always something better for you ahead in life, so why not go and pursue that instead of dreaming the impossible & wasting your time away?

Consider this as a blessing in disguise & aim to re-emerge stronger & wiser. Let the sun rise! There is enough for everyone in this world.

 

 

 

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